he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
