I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize