I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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