only if we run a train.
done.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
