If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
