Pants 0. Shit 1.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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