I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
