So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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