how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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