the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
