just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
