you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize