You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
