Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
