i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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