Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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