Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
