He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
