Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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