FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Those nachos came to me in a dream
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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