I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
