I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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