6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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