Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
