If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
