Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize