Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He has the fingertips of a God
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
