so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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