Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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