maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
