Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
