Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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