You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
