we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
