the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
