soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
