i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize