never play flip cup with pint glasses
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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