I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
