You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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