Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
