About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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