Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
