Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
