Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
