if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
