Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
