he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
