Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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