I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm always down for nudity.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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