If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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