What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
