Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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