just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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