I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
