I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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