I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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