my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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