my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize