I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Someone stole a lamp last night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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