I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
