i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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