I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
