do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So much Jack, so little girl.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
