sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
