kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
