I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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