Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
