I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
