I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
