Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
