Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize