I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
