Im at strip club and am horny
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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